Whilst the day-to-day challenges of IBD may make the idea of dating seem daunting, it is definitely possible and can have a positive effect on mental health, body image and self-esteem.
Whether one is looking for a serious relationship, or a more casual situation, communication is key. This includes finding the right time to talk about your IBD and with an appropriate level of detail. It is important not to wait too long to tell a partner, as trust and acceptance are the building blocks of any relationship.
Particularly in the case of perianal, fistulising Crohn’s Disease or the presence of an ostomy, it may be important to mention and discuss this before sexual intimacy. Being respectful of the other party is also important. However, you can communicate this whilst still feeling comfortable in your own skin.
It is also important to discuss when anal intercourse comes up in the context of active proctitis, a ‘j-pouch’ or ‘Barbie Butt’ surgery. Regardless of sexual orientation, anal intercourse may cause damage or further health issues depending on the extent of your disease and types of surgeries. Again, it will be important to discuss these concerns with your partner to help them understand and to see if there are other options that can provide sexual intimacy and pleasure for you both. It is also important to discuss with your physician and/or surgeon to ensure that intercourse is safe and can be enjoyable.
“When it comes to dating, I try to have a set routine that I use in order to mention that I have IBD. If the topic turns to food or we grab a bite to eat, I ask if they're vegetarian or if they avoid certain foods. That way I can mention that I try to avoid spicy food due to my condition.”
“I had to tell her [about my IBD] for us to be able to progress with that relationship, and she was, starting to ask questions about why I would not come back to her flat. So yeah, it was a case of I had to be open and honest.”
“She was like ‘Oh my god why did you not tell me sooner? I don’t understand why you think that would have bothered me.’ I was like well, ‘I’ve been ridiculous then; I’ve held this out for so long and literally you couldn’t care less sort of thing.’ It upset her because she felt as though I couldn’t confide in her. That was nice to hear at the same time. So yeah, I should have probably told her sooner.”